How can I be balanced again?
“I do everything I can, but I don’t know how I could help my child even better. What will become of him in this ‘noisy’ world? He should learn more, doing sports wouldn’t hurt either, he needs to speak languages, his calendar is full with activities. Besides all this, I often feel like he resists, his stubborn behavior wears me out. I’m almost out of energy for myself, I need help. What should I do in this situation? How can I be balanced again?”
Several mothers have recently indicated that they have similar thoughts to the above. I have heard exhaustion in their voices and they have confirmed themselves that they feel helpless in certain situations. They are looking for a solution, or at least something that can ease their pain.
I had similar thoughts and feelings for almost a decade when I was dealing with my son’s problem. I sought therapies, we tried many different approaches and lifestyle advice. Every experience has helped in some way, for the child and also for me. Some made an immediate difference to us, some we didn’t realize the significance of until later, and some we didn’t feel any effect at all. I always tried to find help for the situation at hand, and I was glad when I found an understanding partner on the other side in the person of the therapist.
Hope is what gives us strength when we feel like giving up.
And the exhaustion came …
After a while, all my efforts and willingness to help turned into exhaustion. After a lot of effort and eagerness to help, I eventually found myself exhausted. I felt like results were dwindling, and I was losing balance both in the process and within myself. What I once believed in started to fade, and I couldn’t understand what was happening or what I could do differently. I found myself in a hamster wheel and I didn’t know how to get out of it. My son helped, who, not long after turning ten, suddenly said, “Mom, you’ve helped a lot and done great, but now help those who need it and want to improve, I’ll take care of my own life now.”
His words struck my ears. I’d been operating under the assumption that it was my responsibility to shape my children’s futures, tirelessly working to ensure their smooth transition into adulthood.
And what about …
when the child is stubborn, resistant, and does exactly the opposite of what I think would be beneficial for them? What can I do when their behavior has been throwing me off balance for a long time, and I’m getting weaker? What should I do when I feel like my life revolves solely around what else I could do to make “their” life better?
For years, I’ve felt the need for a change in perspective, but I still couldn’t see the bigger picture…
I looked at those years working with my son together towards his development and I’ve realized that part of the support I offered wasn’t just for the child’s benefit but also occupied me and provided a program for myself. I didn’t have to think about my own situation or my future. I didn’t have to consider whether I was where I wanted to be geographically, professionally, or even in my personal life, as I was searching to find myself.
When I was so drained of energy that I needed to rest, I realized that my child had ‘prepared’ me for my own journey. Subconsciously, he did exactly what he needed to do on the other side, and what made me who I am today.
I found the therapies and developmental sessions I participated in to be truly captivating. During those moments, I rediscovered aspects of myself that I had long suppressed. Since childhood, I’ve always wanted to support and encourage others, but I never felt capable of doing so.
I followed the therapies with such interest that I looked at all the professionals with the eyes of another therapist. Their discussions resonated with me immediately, fostering a strong collaboration between myself and them. Naturally, I was constantly expanding my knowledge, experimenting with new techniques and approaches both on myself and within my surroundings.
Despite all this, my time only arrived when my child expressed that the “therapeutic period” was over for him, refusing to go anywhere else. It was then that I realized what projection was, why I was looking for myself through this, how the energies worked in my family and in my environment. From that point onward, I felt an unstoppable urge to live my own life, to embrace the experiences I had been attempting to compensate for through my child.
When I turned to alternative medicine, and looked back on the decades of my life before that, I realized that everything unfolded exactly as it was meant to, at the right time.
Suddenly, everything appeared in a new light.
Of course, with parental background support, but my child has also taken control over his own life, and yes, he’s doing exactly what’s good for him. He experiments, tries things out, pushes boundaries, and rewrites them, feeling energetically liberated. Not only do we support each other, but we are very proud of each other’s successes.
Since then, I’ve been striving to utilize this experience in every aspect of my life. I try to accept everything I can’t change, let go of what no longer serves me, allow my new self to unfold, and welcome all that is given to me on the remaining part of my journey.
I no longer carry someone else’s backpack, but my own.
I live the way I’ve always wanted to. I experience what I’ve always been, through myself, not as projections.
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Do you also feel overwhelmed by your family situation?
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Are you tired and drained while your child’s behavior continues to disrupt the family?
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Are you struggling to find your purpose after motherhood?
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What is it that you want for your child, but in reality, it’s your own need that awaits fulfillment?
If you resonate with the above and are ready to change your perspective and reconnect with your inner voice, let’s chat. I can help you find what you’re looking for and support you tune into what you need. You will learn how you can provide all of these for yourself.
WHAT YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF, YOU ALSO GIVE TO THEM.
To yourself, because you deserve it too!
Written by: Agnes Szabo
Transformational coach, life coach and autogenic training therapist
