What do I do instead?
It’s crucial to understand how we have been socialized and have lived our lives from childhood to the present. We all want to live our best lives, but how can we know what’s best for us if we’ve been told from the start how to behave, and we carry this pattern with us every day?
These four questions can help you immediately and put you in a state where it’s all about you:
- What do I wish for myself?
- What do I do instead?
- What should I do to achieve my goals?
- How do I move towards my goals?
Let’s take a journey and examine the significance of these questions one by one.
1. What do I wish for myself?
Most of us hit a block already with the first question because many people don’t really know what they want to experience and what they want to achieve. It seems like a very simple question, yet it is very confusing, because it forces you to focus only on yourself. But we don’t do this often as we have learned to take care of others or work hard for something we believe is best for us. In reality, everything seems more important than ourselves, our thoughts, and our feelings.
And what happens if we have no idea what we wish for ourselves?
We can feel stuck, spinning in circles in our life, looking to others, ruminating on them and starting to live their lives and dreams. We give so much support that we have no energy left for ourselves.
In the long run, this behavior can cause a chronic stress state which can lead us to psychosomatic symptoms or burnout or depression.
For tips, read my blog article on ‘Psychosomatic diseases’
2. What do I do instead?
It’s absolutely crucial to be aware of our patterns and observe how we spend our days. Our thoughts determine how we feel in various areas of our lives and how we react to different things. All these actions have very specific consequences.
And what happens if we are not aware of our daily thoughts and activities?
If we don’t observe our thoughts and have no idea which thoughts occupy our energy, we can’t ensure we are steering towards our goals.
In the long run, this behavior can lead us to get caught up in things we can’t change, with our energy consumed by issues and emotions that are completely irrelevant to our goals.
For tips, read my blog article on ‘Waiting is not creating’
3. What should I do to achieve my goals?
You are already successful and can be grateful when you have goals and can observe your thoughts and patterns to see what you really want in your life and what is preventing you from achieving it.
And what happens if we get stuck at this point and everything stays the same, with all wishes remaining dreams?
Do you know the feeling when you look at others and feel jealous that they overcame their fears and found their path to success? This takes a lot of energy that we need to achieve our own goals.
If we are stuck in an unbalanced state – pressing the gas pedal while also pressing the brake we send a completely different message to the universe.
For tips, read my blog article on ‘How to turn your limiting beliefs to positive affirmations’
4. How do I move towards my goals?
Hey, you have your goals, you have recognized what you have done right so far and what you no longer need, and you are aware of your focus and energy. This is a state where you only need to master one thing: how you react to all of this and how you move forward.
And what happens if you procrastinate at this point or act, but the steps are too quick or you remain unsure about the process?
If there are still fears within you or you feel that you have a lot to lose when taking the necessary steps, you are still stuck in this looping energy and need a change in your thinking.
If the steps are too fast we could become very impatient, and if the expected result is not achieved, you might give up the entire process.
Remember, it is always a big thing when you change something in your life, it causes stress and it’s important to dissolve the stress caused by intense thinking and planning to regain your energy.
Tips:
- Be kind to yourself. Learning to be kinder to yourself can help with how you feel in different situations. Try to take breaks in your day for things you enjoy. And reward yourself for your achievements, even if they seem small. Practice gratefulness.
- Try to find time to relax. This might feel hard if you can’t do anything to stop a situation that is making you stressed. But if you can allow yourself a short break, this can help with how you feel. You must break the pattern to realize it at all.
- Develop your interests and hobbies. Spending time on things you enjoy could help distract you from a stressful situation and can support you toward your goal. If stress is making you feel lonely or isolated in this period, shared hobbies can also be a good way to meet new people and interact with them on different topics.
- Spend time in nature. This can help to reduce stress and improve wellbeing. You could try going for a walk in a green space, taking care of indoor plants, or spending time with animals. If you get back to a balanced state, you can work on your project more effectively.
- Look after your physical health. Getting enough sleep, staying physically active and eating a balanced diet can make stress easier to manage. Stress can sometimes make these things difficult to look after. But even small changes can make a big difference.
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Ask for support. You don’t need to do everything alone. You might think that nobody can solve your problem. But the right support is not about solving your problem, it is about moving you out from the looping state and putting you back on track as quickly as possible. You don’t have to endure the situation and stay under constant stress if you see a hand to grab.
Written by:Agnes Szabo
Transformational coach, life coach and autogenic training therapist
