No more fight with reality
There’s a silent war many of us fight daily—against reality itself. We struggle with what was, resist what is, and fear what might come. In this endless battle, we lose touch with the only place where peace can exist: the present moment. I’ve been there too—caught in that trap of “it should have been different,” both in childhood and in my adult relationships. Until I discovered the liberating power of Loving What Is.
The wake-up call: When resistance creates suffering
For many years, I searched outside myself for answers. I wanted love, recognition, validation—especially from those closest to me. Like many, I had expectations: that my parents should have loved me differently, that my partners should have met my needs, that life should have been more supportive, easier, fairer. I carried silent grievances, believing they were justified. And yet, I was exhausted and often deeply sad.
Then one day, in the middle of an emotional spiral, I came across a quote from Byron Katie:
“When you argue with reality, you lose—but only 100% of the time.”
Those words pierced through my resistance. I started reading her book Loving What Is, and it was as if someone handed me the key to my inner prison. I learned about The Work—Katie’s simple yet profound method of inquiry using four questions and a turnaround. And most importantly, I began practicing it.
The four questions that set me free
Byron Katie teaches us to take any stressful thought and ask:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
Then, you turn the thought around. Not to trick your mind, but to reveal other perspectives you hadn’t considered.
I started working on deeply rooted thoughts like:
- “My mother should have protected me.”
- “My partner should have understood me.”
- “People don’t appreciate what I do.”
Each time I did The Work, I cried, I released, I softened. I began to see that I wasn’t a victim of life, but of my unquestioned thinking. I saw that love was always available—right here, right now—when I stopped resisting what is.
Client story: From control to inner peace
Let me introduce you to Severin, a private coaching client who came to me with a similar internal conflict. He had everything on the outside—career success, a stable home, and even a loving partner. Yet inside, he was restless, irritable, and deeply dissatisfied.
He often said things like,
“My life should feel more meaningful by now.”
“I should be happier.”
“My partner doesn’t really get me.”
These thoughts, unchallenged, created a painful loop of blame and self-doubt. He felt stuck, and this made him even more controlling in both his professional and personal life.
In our sessions, I gently introduced him to the teachings of Byron Katie, Esther Hicks, and Eckhart Tolle. We explored the idea that suffering comes not from what happens, but from how we think about what happens.
Severin was skeptical at first. But he was willing. And so we did The Work together on the thought: “My partner doesn’t care about me.”
Through inquiry, Severin realized that his partner actually expressed love in ways he had been too distracted to notice. As he turned the thought around—“I don’t care about myself in those moments,” or *“I don’t show I care about my partner”— he began to take responsibility for his emotions.
It was a profound shift. Within weeks, Severin reported feeling calmer, more present, and less reactive. His relationships improved not because others changed, but because he did. He stopped fighting reality. He started loving what is.
The Now is the only place life happens
What Severin discovered—and what I rediscovered again and again—is that peace is not in fixing the past or controlling the future. Peace is in the now.
This is what Eckhart Tolle emphasizes in The Power of Now:
“Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”
That doesn’t mean we never take action or want change. It means we stop resisting the present moment. We allow what is to be, without labeling it wrong, unfair, or not enough.
Similarly, Esther Hicks teaches us through the teachings of Abraham:
“You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey.”
This means that how we feel now determines our future. When we align with joy, appreciation, and presence, life mirrors that energy back to us.
Accepting without settling
Loving what is does not mean becoming passive or complacent. It’s about letting go of the emotional resistance that keeps us trapped. From this place of non-resistance, true inspired action can emerge.
You don’t have to love everything that happens. But when you stop fighting reality, you stop suffering unnecessarily. You begin to live more lightly. More freely. And from that space, transformation happens.
An invitation to you
If you’re in a place where reality feels unbearable, unfair, or just disappointing, I invite you to pause.
Ask yourself:
- What am I believing right now that causes me pain?
- Is it really true?
- What if I didn’t fight this moment?
Try The Work. Explore the teachings of Byron Katie, Eckhart Tolle, and Esther Hicks. Listen to your breath. Feel your body. Come back to the now.
Loving what is doesn’t mean you give up on your dreams. It means you stop arguing with life, and start co-creating with it. You become aligned with the flow of the universe. You step out of victimhood and into radical presence.
This is not a quick fix—it’s a gentle, ongoing practice. One that I live daily. One that helped me heal the wounds I thought were permanent. One that helped Severin find peace in the middle of a life he once tried to control.
So today, can you love what is?
Not forever. Just for this moment.
Because this moment—this now—is all there ever is.
